Play: Sneezing And Killing

A large desk, flanked by two chairs. The one behind it is large and imposing, while the other before it is small and simply utilitarian. This is an office, austere and sterilized, with a door at stage left.

ALISON MCKINLEY, an attractive and petite woman of 29 dressed in a sharp suit, opens the door and enters with a paper-padded clipboard, followed by LEONARD RIMES, 62, a large and distinguished man similarly attired and holding a briefcase.

Alison heads straight for the desk, leaving Leonard to close the door. This he does, after a moment, before he walks to the small chair, reaching it as Alison reaches her chair.

ALISON
Go ahead and –

Leonard is already seating himself. A moment passes.

LEONARD
Oh! I apologize.

But Leonard does not stand.

ALISON
That’s okay. Don’t worry about it.

Alison sits, putting her clipboard on the desk. A long moment passes.

ALISON (CONT’D)
Since we’re here, you might as well show me your résumé, don’t you think?

LEONARD
Oh. Yes. Yes, of course.

Leonard takes his briefcase, opens it, and rummages through a mess of papers before he finds his résumé. He hands it to Alison.

Alison reads it, making noncommittal sounds. Leonard is silent, at first, but eventually –

LEONARD (CONT’D)
As you can see, I’ve anchored late night for UFS, ARN, VPN, and ABS in my twenty-seven years of experience.

ALISON
Are those the big four?

LEONARD
Yes. That’s right. Those are the big four.

A moment passes.

ALISON
And none of them could hold onto you? That’s so impressive.

A moment passes.

LEONARD
Well. We parted amicably eventually due to creative differences, but I can assure you that while I was under each network’s employment I was an asset to the organization. My shows at UFS and ARN, for example, cleared an average of a percent at the top. In the 18 to 49, I mean.

ALISON
They must have been so happy. What with all that advertising money on the line.

There is a brief moment of silence.

LEONARD
Yes. You’re right. It’s amazing what a big marketing budget can do, isn’t it. Of course, we didn’t have that at ZXS, but we still managed to pull in the Nielsen numbers somehow. We managed to go from number ten to number five.

ALISON
I hope they rewarded you accordingly, then. God knows our little old network will if we’re lucky enough to get you.

LEONARD
Oh, no, please don’t misunderstand me. It was a team effort –

ALISON
Mr. Rimes. I’m sure you’re not flattering yourself enough.

A moment passes.

LEONARD
I apologize. What I meant to say is that I would be happy –

ALISON
That makes me glad.

LEONARD
Miss McKinley –

ALISON
Mr. Rimes. We should just cut to the chase here, don’t you think? First of all, you would be taking a significant pay cut from whatever number you got when you last had a job. Also, we don’t have a nationwide audience. In fact, we’re barely pulling in enough eyeballs. So we can definitely use the help of a name like yourself. But we are a team here, and –

LEONARD
I wouldn’t have –

ALISON
Mr. Rimes. I’m not done yet. It would be so great if you could just wait until I’m done, don’t you think? It would mean so –

Alison stops, noticing that Leonard has frozen. An instant passes. Alison leans forward.

ALISON (CONT’D)
Leonard?

Leonard reacts to his name being called.

LEONARD
I apologize. I – I apologize, Miss McKinley. I seem to have gone about this all wrongheaded. I assure you I would be honored to work for RFS, if I am given the opportunity.

A moment passes. Alison leans back.

ALISON
That’s – good to know.

LEONARD
I apologize again if it seemed otherwise.

ALISON
That’s okay. I forgive you.

Leonard does not respond.

ALISON (CONT’D)
Okay then. Good, good. Let’s – move this along. There’s just one more tiny little thing I need you to do for me.

Alison puts down Leonard’s résumé, and takes her clipboard from the desk. She unclips a stapled sheaf of papers, and puts it on the desk between them.

ALISON (CONT’D)
I just need you to read this script for me.

A moment passes. Alison gestures to the script.

LEONARD
Well, actually, I happen to have with me right now some of the scripts that I wrote while I was with UFS –

ALISON
No, no, that’s okay. This one will do just fine.

LEONARD
It’s only that, well, I see ampersands on your script.

ALISON
Mr. Rimes. I assure you that everything else is according to The Elements Of Style. Please. The script. You might as well get used to the way we write our scripts around here, don’t you think?

After a moment, Leonard takes the script, albeit reluctantly.

ALISON (CONT’D)
That’s good. Now. Just go from the top.

LEONARD
I’m afraid you might have given me the wrong script, Miss McKinley. This one has rundown instructions on it.

ALISON
Oh, you can just ignore those. I know there’s usually a separate rundown sheet, but we like to run a tighter ship around here. You can just avoid them when you come to them. You can do that, can’t you?

LEONARD
Yes. Of course.

A moment passes as Leonard reads.

LEONARD (CONT’D)
I like to read scripts all through at least once. It helps with the flow afterwards.

ALISON
Sure.

A moment passes.

LEONARD
The slots for the rundown are very clear, Miss McKinley. They’re very crisp and well-organized. Did you write them?

ALISON
Yeah, I did.

LEONARD
You’re a producer of Last Call, then.

ALISON
Executive producer, actually.

LEONARD
Oh. That’s interesting. I have a little production knowledge myself. Dana Whitaker – do you know Dana Whitaker is?

ALISON
Executive producer of UFS’s Daily Report since 1983.

LEONARD
Yes, that’s Dana. She taught me most of what I know about production while I was anchoring the Report. I was just a young kid then, but very eager to learn, you understand. Very ambitious. Dana liked eagerness and ambition. She still does, actually. I think that’s why we’re such good friends.

A moment passes.

ALISON
Mr. Rimes. You’re not actually –

LEONARD
Oh! I didn’t mean – I apologize –

ALISON
I’m sure it won’t be the last time you do.

Leonard does not respond.

ALISON (CONT’D)
Mr. Rimes. Let’s get one thing straight here, because I actually do have a show to run after this. I know I’m talented. And I also know that I’m here, at RFS, and not UFS, or even ABS. But I am applying to the big four, and I will keep applying to the big four. But I’m going to do that. By myself. As I’m sure you did.

LEONARD
If you are talented, as you say, then I’m sure the recommendation from Dana will be – deserving. Everybody needs a little help every now and then.

ALISON
That’s – very nice of you to say. But still. No thanks. I like to do things on the up and up.

A moment passes.

LEONARD
I suppose you couldn’t blame me for trying.

ALISON
Your technique could use a little work. Now, the script. Please.

A moment passes, as Leonard reads.

LEONARD
It’s good.

ALISON
We feed our writers top-grade bananas.

LEONARD
Would you mind if I made just a few corrections? There are one or two repetitive redundancies and split infinitives.

A moment passes.

ALISON
I didn’t know that there were any, but okay. Go ahead and Strunk them.

Leonard’s manner changes. He feels about his shirt and pants pockets for a pen, but can’t find one. He opens his briefcase and searches through it, but still can’t find one. Puzzled, he eventually –

LEONARD
I apologize. I can’t imagine – I must have neglected to bring a pen. Would you happen to have one with you?

A long moment passes.

ALISON
Wouldn’t be much an executive producer if I didn’t.

Alison opens a drawer, but there are no pens in it. She pauses for a moment, and then opens another drawer and takes out a pen. She holds it out to Leonard, who takes it.

LEONARD
Thank you.

Alison does not respond. She watches closely as Leonard scribbles on the script, making notations and canceling sentences. As he does so –

ALISON
I’m going to have to fire some of my writers at the rate you’re going.

Leonard finishes. He holds the script out to Alison. Alison takes it.

A moment passes.

ALISON
Mr. Rimes. The pen, please.

An instant passes.

LEONARD
Oh, yes, of course. I apologize.

Leonard holds the pen out to Alison. Alison reaches for it, takes it, and puts it in the drawer. She then proceeds to read the script. As she reads –

LEONARD (CONT’D)
Please don’t misunderstand me. I thought the original script was good. For a first draft. I simply added a little extra something.

ALISON
You added a lot of extra something. This would read nothing like the original.

LEONARD
Yes, exactly. I made it a little less… disingenuous. Candor’s a good thing, don’t you agree?

ALISON
Okay… but there’s candor, and then there’s just, you know, vitriol.

Alison puts the script on the desk. An instant passes.

LEONARD
Well. Late night’s always been slippery and ugly.

ALISON
No, late night used to be slippery and ugly.

LEONARD
But it still could be.

ALISON (CONT’D)
I – don’t think so. Slippery and ugly doesn’t do it for late night anymore, Mr. Rimes. People don’t want to go to sleep with slippery and ugly. They want – cute. Ugly, but really actually adorable. A sting, but blunted, and coated with sugar. Like a – a – scary – teddy bear. You get what I mean.

Leonard does not respond for an instant.

LEONARD
Well. I’m afraid I’m just good old fashioned slippery and ugly.

A moment passes. Alison stands.

ALISON
Okay then. I guess –

LEONARD
Miss McKinley.

Leonard does not continue. Alison waits, standing expectantly over him.

ALISON
Mr. Rimes. The world does move on outside, you know.

A moment passes, before –

LEONARD
Miss McKinley. I’m 62 and divorced, and my ex-wife insists on telling my ten-year old son that my life is finished. I’ve been passed on from VPN to ABS, to ZXS, to CBN, to AXS, to WPN.

ALISON
And?

LEONARD
And. And I think –

ALISON
What about QSN?

A long moment passes.

LEONARD
I’ve never –

ALISON
It was after WPN. You remember, don’t you? You went to QSN, and you –

LEONARD
No –

ALISON
– made two advance closed tapings for QSN.

Leonard freezes.

This time, Alison does not say anything.

After a moment –

LEONARD
Yes, I made two tapes for QSN.

ALISON
And the executive producers told you to follow a script, didn’t they?

LEONARD
Two fucking 40-year olds telling me to follow a fucking script.

ALISON
And did you?

LEONARD
I – did.

Leonard shakes his head.

ALISON
And?

LEONARD
And I –

Leonard shakes his head.

LEONARD (CONT’D)
I – quit.

ALISON
You didn’t quit.

A moment passes.

LEONARD
I don’t understand, Miss McKinley. If you already know why I was fired from QSN, why are you still asking me?

A moment passes.

ALISON
You were fired?

LEONARD
I wouldn’t do what those people wanted me to do. No. That’s not exactly accurate. I couldn’t. If I’d known what it was going to be like, I would never have done it in the first place. I would have quit had they not fired me.

ALISON
Oh.

A moment passes.

LEONARD
You don’t believe me.

ALISON
I think you might be – confused, yes. You bribe in one sentence, preach about candor the next, and forget about both by the third…

LEONARD
I suspect you do that more often than you think, Miss McKinley. Besides, since you appear to have done your homework, you should be aware that I’ve been unemployed since QSN because I refuse to do it again.

ALISON
But you’re here, so… I don’t know. Does that mean you decided you could just come here and shop your morals around?

Alison leans forward.

ALISON (CONT’D)
Who do you think you are, Mr. Rimes?

LEONARD
Listen to me, Miss McKinley. Regardless of what you might think of me, I’m still a name. But I’ve come here to your network, and I’ve been as patient and as accommodating as I’ve ever been, and ever will be. I’ve humiliated myself here because of what I believe in. But you don’t seem to understand that. You don’t seem to understand that I have friends in high places like Dana Whitaker, and you don’t seem to understand that if I want to follow scripts churned out pandering hacks, I could just call up one of those friends. I wouldn’t be here bothering to ingratiate myself with some thirty-fourth-rate executive producer who doesn’t even understand that you can’t out-Nielsen another network by aping it.

A moment passes. Alison takes out a cell phone from her pants pocket, and puts it on the desk between them.

ALISON
Call them. Please. Any one of your “friends in high places”.

Leonard does not respond.

ALISON (CONT’D)
What are you waiting for? Go ahead. Call, I don’t know, “Dana”.

Leonard does not reach for the cell phone.

After a moment, Alison takes the cell phone and puts it back in her pocket.

ALISON (CONT’D)
You see, Mr. Rimes. You might know people in high places, but calling them your friends? They don’t seem all that eager to pull you back up to where they are, do they? But then again, I guess I can’t really blame them – it’s really your fault for being such a sanctimonious fuck-wit, isn’t it? Pissed-off people tend to talk, Mr. Rimes. A lot. Especially executive producers. And –

LEONARD
I don’t need this shit.

ALISON
What was that again?

LEONARD
I said I don’t need this shit. I’ve got more millions in spare change than you’ve got years lived, you little pissant –

ALISON
I’m sorry; I must have missed the part of the program where you explain what you’re doing here, then.

Leonard does not respond.

ALISON (CONT’D)
We’re both T.V. people, Mr. Rimes. But there’s a difference between us.

Alison leans forward.

ALISON (CONT’D)
You’re just the meat puppet on the screen. You’ll talk when I pull your fucking strings. You want to be heard, sure. You want to tell your stories to an audience of, maybe a couple million, sure. But you’ll tell your stories the way people want to hear them, or you can forget about telling them at all. You’ll tell your stories the way I want you to tell them. You’ll even sit down only when I tell you you can. And you’ll sure as damn hell follow any fucking script that I –

LEONARD
Stop telling me what to do!

Something in his tone makes Alison backs away instinctively, even as he freezes and she instantly holds out a palm to the audience in a ‘wait’ gesture.

A moment passes.

LEONARD
I apologize. I really do – I didn’t mean –

Leonard shakes his head.

Alison immediately goes to him and slaps him. She also immediately swivels his chair in such a way that he faces her while her body blocks him from the audience’s view. She leans in, and –

LEONARD (CONT’D)
Miss –

ALISON
Shut the fuck up, Mr. Rimes.

Leonard laughs, a short, harsh sound. A moment passes.

LEONARD
Miss McKinley. I’m not quite ready for a January-December or an office romance yet.

Alison stands, and walks back to her chair. She sits.

ALISON
I’m not old enough to take care of – a child yet, anyway.

A moment passes. Leonard is silent.

LEONARD
You were in the process of advising me how to conduct myself in your presence.

ALISON
If you want this job, then you will do as you’re told. You will sit on the couch that we provide for you, and you will say whatever words we see fit to put in your mouth. You will smile when the rehabbed talk about “how sorry they are”, even if you know they’re still snorting blow, or smack, or whatever. You will sympathize when a star does his job and tells you he “didn’t know what he was doing” when he threw a phone at someone, even if you know that he’s a psychotic jackass. You will not, under any circumstances, embarrass any of the people who put you on that couch. You will not attack your guests, you will not insinuate any of the things that you might happen to know, and you will not insult the audience who has tuned in to see you play the fucking game. Do you understand me?

Leonard does not respond for a long moment.

LEONARD
That’s all, is it.

A moment passes.

ALISON
So you make a couple of sacrifices. Take the middle road instead of the high one. People love stories of redemption, Mr. Rimes. We’re a nation of forgivers. What is the fucking problem here?

A long moment passes, before –

LEONARD
Quintus Horatius Flaccus.

An instant passes, then –

ALISON
What?

LEONARD
Non cuivis homini contingit adire Corinthum. “It is not every man’s lot to go to Corinth.”

An instant passes, then –

ALISON
I - don’t get it.

LEONARD
Corinth was where the sacred brothels were in Rome, Miss McKinley. They put prostitution on a pedestal and worshipped it, until everyone wanted either to be a prostitute or to fuck one.

A moment passes.

ALISON
I’m sure you’ll understand if I seem less than transformed.

LEONARD
Do you have a son, Miss McKinley?

ALISON
No.

LEONARD
I do. I have a ten-year old son.

ALISON
Yes. You do.

LEONARD
He’s started watching television. Pretty soon he’ll be at the age where the cartoon network won’t hold his attention anymore. And when he reaches that age I highly doubt he will turn to Night News for entertainment. He’s going to start watching, possibly dramas, and possibly sitcoms. And then he’s going to start watching late night. If I take your offer, then he’s going to see me, on late night, giving him the tacit green light that he’s free to snort lines, or throw appliances at people, as long as he goes national on the apologies afterwards.

A moment passes.

ALISON
Bravo. I don’t see why you have a problem following our script, because that was one hell of a performance. Very Lifetime.

LEONARD
I wasn’t –

ALISON
Gimme a break, Mr. Rimes. This isn’t about your son. Maybe you really believe that your son is very own Jiminy Cricket, and maybe he really has become your very own Jiminy Cricket, but this is, was, and always will be all you. You quit UFS in ’94, and that was a good two years before your son was born –

LEONARD
I left UFS because ARN offered me a better deal –

ALISON
Wrong again! I really don’t know why you keep lying to me. The UFS renewal contract was 35 million a year for five years, plus performance bonuses, plus three percent of the revenues from the show after yours, a cut that was estimated at 1.65 million. The ARN contract was thirty mil for five years, plus performance, plus ten percent of post-show, which sounded nice, except they were planning to give up the fight anyway and run Night News against reruns of UFS’s Daily Report.

Leonard is speechless.

ALISON (CONT’D)
I know you, Mr. Rimes. You left UFS because they were becoming too schmaltzy for you – just like why you left ARN later, and why you were kicked out of VPN, ABS, ZXS, AXS, CBN, WPN, and yes, QSN. This isn’t about your son at all. This isn’t even about candor. This is all about you wanting –

LEONARD
For a person who started off not even recognizing me you seem to have acquired quite an in-depth knowledge about me, Miss McKinley.

An instant passes.

LEONARD (CONT’D)
This isn’t about me. This is about you.

ALISON
I don’t know about that.

LEONARD
I didn’t ask you to “offer me this job”, Miss McKinley. Why did you?

ALISON
I’m just trying to help –

LEONARD
You were a fan, weren’t you?

An instant passes.

ALISON
I’m a thorough executive producer –

LEONARD
All right. Who did UFS sign when I moved to ARN?

ALISON
Carlson Mailer. He anchored Night Mail for five years.

LEONARD
And what were the terms of his contract?

ALISON
– Confidential.

LEONARD
What happened to you?

ALISON
Nothing –

LEONARD
Did you finally get to meet Dana Whitaker? Did she tell you that you were qualified, but not quite ready for the big four yet? Is that it? Did you realize that –

ALISON
Shut the fuck –

Alison hears something in her tone that causes her to stop instantly. Leonard notices, but says nothing.

ALISON (CONT’D)
I just – changed. That’s all.

LEONARD
Evidently.

ALISON
Who the hell are you to talk? You gave in in the end, didn’t you? I just became smarter sooner.

A moment passes.

LEONARD
Yes. I hope that works out – for you.

A moment passes.

ALISON
Listen to me, Leonard. Just read the damn script. That’s all you need to do. You don’t want your life to be finished yet, just read the script.

A moment passes.

LEONARD
I think this interview is over.

Leonard stands and turns to go.

ALISON
You don’t want to forget your briefcase, Mr. Rimes. Being an unemployed late night host and all.

Leonard turns and walks back to the desk to get his briefcase. Alison stands, grabs his arm, and pulls him closer.

ALISON (CONT’D)
You think not taking the job makes you some kind of martyr? You think it makes you some kind of self-sacrificing holier-than-thou –

Leonard forcefully jerks his arm out of her grasp.

LEONARD
I never said that!

ALISON
You enjoy thinking it, don’t you? You enjoy thinking that you’re better than the rest of us – better than Dana Whitaker, better than your ex-wife, better than your son – hey, probably better than me too –

LEONARD
That’s why you came, isn’t it?

Leonard sits down and puts his briefcase beside him.

LEONARD (CONT’D)
If you want to talk about honesty I suggest you take a seat first, Miss McKinley.

A moment passes, before Alison sits.

LEONARD (CONT’D)
Yes, I think Dana Whitaker is a less than stellar human being. Yes, I think my ex-wife should stop sponging off actors barely old enough to have chest-hair. And yes, I definitely do think I am better than you.

ALISON
You self-right –

LEONARD
Don’t flatter yourself, Miss McKinley. You think you’re here to save me? You’re not here to do that at all. You’re here because and only because you realized one morning that you sold out. You got tired of having to fight your managing editor, you got tired of caring that the guests that you booked were all smiling liars, so every single day you gave in a little bit more. A wave here, a few drinks after work there, and suddenly you’re schmoozing like the best of them.

A moment passes.

ALISON
I’m offering you a job because –

Alison does not continue.

LEONARD
You have a nice car, don’t you, Miss McKinley?

Alison does not respond.

LEONARD (CONT’D)
A nice house.

Alison does not respond.

LEONARD (CONT’D)
I’m even willing to bet that you have elegant furnishings and tasteful, minimalist bric-a-brac arranged around your artfully lived-in mess-of-a-home, don’t you?

Alison does not respond.

LEONARD (CONT’D)
I might be an arrogant, self-righteous, self-sacrificing, holier-than-thou martyr, Miss McKinley. But it isn’t as though you’re any better. You’re not “offering me a job”. If I take your offer, then you get to convince yourself that you’re not doing anything wrong. If I don’t, then you get a warning of what would have happened to you if you hadn’t done what you had to. You’re “offering me a job” only because you’ll get one of those two things, and you don’t actually care a single bit which one it is. You just want to pull me down to where you are any way you can.

Alison does not respond. Leonard reaches for his briefcase.

ALISON
What about you?

Leonard leans back in his chair again, almost amused.

ALISON (CONT’D)
Who the fuck died and made you god? Who the hell are you to judge the rest of us? You want to talk about self-hate? You wrote the book on self-hating. You want to vindictively punish anyone and everyone who’s ever made a mistake only because you can’t stand the fact that you make mistakes. Newsflash, Leonard. People are sorry sometimes. Other people forgive those people sometimes. You make a mistake, you move on. You forgive, you go home and kick something if you need to, and then you forget. That’s the way things work in this world, and you –

LEONARD
Alison.

ALISON
WHAT?

Leonard lunges across the desk and slaps her across the face, hard.

An instant later –

ALISON (CONT’D)
No!

An instant later –

ALISON (CONT’D)
I said no!

Leonard sits down in his chair again.

A moment passes.

LEONARD
I apologize. Please forgive me.

An instant passes. Alison leans forward.

ALISON
I. Forgive you.

Leonard instantly backhands her across the face, hard.

ALISON (CONT’D)
I said fucking no!

An instant passes.

LEONARD
I apologize. I didn’t know what I was doing. But I’ve recovered. I really have. This is possibly the most shameful situation I’ve gotten myself into. But I’ve gotten myself into anger management. I’ve made some improvements. I’m filming a new movie. I’m writing a book about drug abuse and rehab. Please forgive me.

A moment passes.

ALISON
I. Forgive –

Leonard makes to slap her again. Alison instinctively recoils.

An instant passes.

LEONARD
I see you’re beginning to understand the flaw in your logic of “the way things work in this world”.

An instant, then –

ALISON
You’re pathetic, Leonard.

A moment passes.

LEONARD
Oh?

ALISON
I pity you. Look at what you’ve become. A vengeful 62-year old who hates himself so much he’ll kill another person for so much as sneezing at the wrong time.

LEONARD
There’s no difference between killing and sneezing, Miss McKinley. One second skips to another far away; the size of the heap is all.

A moment passes.

Alison opens the desk’s drawer, and takes out the pen. She puts it on the desk between them.

ALISON
Then do it.

An instant passes.

LEONARD
I’m not going to hurt you –

ALISON
No. You.

A long moment passes as the pen stays between them.

ALISON (CONT’D)
Who are you to talk when you don’t even have the balls to follow your own fucked-up philosophy to the end?

Leonard does not respond.

ALISON (CONT’D)
You’re just a coward – that’s what you are.

As Alison gestures to the office, their suits, their surroundings –

ALISON (CONT’D)
This – all this. It’s easier, isn’t it. You get to just forget everything and everyone, just bend everything to what you want to –

LEONARD
Shut up.

Alison does not continue. She does not need to.

ALISON
I think you were right. This interview is over.

Alison stands. An instant passes, then –

LEONARD
Don’t fool yourself, Miss McKinley.

As Alison reaches for her clipboard, Leonard grabs her arm.

LEONARD (CONT’D)
You don’t get to leave just like that –

As Alison wrenches her hand out of his, and takes the clipboard –

ALISON
Or what? You’ll try to kill me? “Yes. I hope that works out – for you.”

Alison continues standing over Leonard for a moment.

Leonard does not respond.

Alison circles the desk to leave, but the moment she passes Leonard, he jerks up from the chair, grabs her arm, spins her around, pinions her by both arms, and pulls her dangerously close, all in one smooth action.

Alison instinctively knees him in the groin.

Leonard instantly releases her, staggering back.

He begins to – laugh.

ALISON
Stop laughing.

LEONARD
You think that was in defense, Miss McKinley? What do you think you’re doing when you type out your rundown and fill in the slots and clip it on your precious clipboard? You’re not any different from me, Miss McKinley. “We like to run a tighter ship around here”? Don’t be stupid. You’re afraid of dead air. You –

ALISON
Shut up –

LEONARD
– wake up in the morning and you put on your fancy suit, and you go to work and you executive produce and you fill every second of dead air with something so you end up with a nicely packaged world –

ALISON
Shut up –

LEONARD
I’m sure your sex life must be something awful, isn’t it, Alison –

Alison jerks towards him, but catches herself instantly.

LEONARD (CONT’D)
Now we’re done.

Leonard walks past Alison.

ALISON
If you walk out that door, I will destroy you.

An instant later –

LEONARD
That’s what it boils down to, isn’t it?

Leonard takes another step.

ALISON
I will offer you the job every single day, and you will entertain me, Mr. Rimes, because you are an unemployed late night anchor, and I am a late night executive producer with a job opening to fill. And one day, either you will accept the offer, or one second will skip to another far away again, and you will pay when it does.

LEONARD
Now you understand, don’t you? Kill an ant, kill a man – it’s all the same thing.

ALISON
Choose.

A moment passes.

LEONARD
All right.

Leonard walks past Alison to the desk, and reaches for the script on the desk. He holds it up.

LEONARD (CONT’D)
Sell me on the merits of late night schmaltzy scary teddy bear-ness, and sour me on the dire outlook of unemployment. Do it again, and I’ll choose.

An instant later –

ALISON
Read the script.

A moment later –

LEONARD
Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes.

ALISON
Read. The script.

LEONARD
“I fear the Greeks, even when they bear gifts.” Virgil. You came here because you can’t control your life and you want to dictate mine –

ALISON
Read the script!

LEONARD
Why don’t you get it, you stupid girl. There’s no difference.

Leonard tears the script in half. And tears it in half again. And again.

An instant, then –

ALISON
What the fuck is the problem with you – the Aeneid, sarcastic Roman poets, and The Elements Of Style – that’s the problem with you – look at where we are – you’ll never change – never – it’s not that you can’t, it’s that you won’t – so you keep going on – you’ll just keep going on –

Leonard – laughs. He laughs and laughs. Alison holds her hands to her ears, as though the laughter is hurting her. Then, in an instant –

Alison flies at Leonard, pushing him onto the desk and strangling him.

Leonard pushes her off roughly – she hits the floor.

A DOCTOR enters, accompanied by GUARDS. The guards swiftly pinion Leonard and manhandle him towards the door.

On the floor, Alison is in shock –

LEONARD
It’s always round the corner, Miss McKinley – when the world explodes because two seconds far apart smash into each other –

The guards leave as the doctor helps Alison up.

The doctor is shaken.

DOCTOR
He’s crazy.

Alison does not respond – she cannot.

A long moment, then –

Black out.