It's been a bad week for television. From reports of shows running out of episodes earlier than expected, to irrelevant guest stars on network blockbusters, the theme this week is capital D Downsizing, both quantity- and quality-wise.
The only good D news this week? A possible trimming of cast fat on the hopelessly bloated "Heroes". A massacre of meaningless characters that would make everybody happy. A return to a happier time when every character had a serious part to play.
But let's not get ahead of ourselves.
First up, the December farewells of more than ten network shows. Although previously thought to have enough episodes to last until January, many shows will in fact be forced into permanent hiatus soon, some as early as the first week of December. And these are not all second-stringers either.
The last new episode of "Desperate Housewives" will air on December 2nd, with new "Heroes" episodes drying up the day after that. "Pushing Daisies", "Ugly Betty", and "Grey's Anatomy" also only have four new episodes each, although judicious scheduling may stretch them to January. "Brothers and Sisters" will also say goodbye soon. As for the hilarious "How I Met Your Mother" - that will be gone by the end of the month.
For some of the early retirees, the timing really couldn't be worse: "Housewives" has had a creatively resurgent season so far, while this week's "Heroes" showed that its sophomore slump was finally over. But because production has shut down, both series will now only have four hours: four hours to win back and create new viewers; four hours to make sure those viewers come back after the strike - however long that lasts. With no resolution to the dispute in sight, the 'come back' part of the deal might be a very tall order indeed.
But for some of the other shows, an extended break might be better for all involved. I'm thinking specifically of "Bionic Woman", whose ratings have fallen faster than a roller-coaster on the downslope. As of this week's episode, this Woman has gone from a roaring premiere to a whimpering cry for any attention. It has the most-watched premiere of all the new shows, and yet has managed to lose more than half of that audience. Something is obviously very wrong, and - if it doesn't get canceled outright - this extra time to fix and repair will hopefully get it going again.
But it's not the only show that could use an extended time-out. To that list I would add "30 Rock", "Ugly Betty", and "America's Next Top Model". Don't get me wrong; "30 Rock" is still consistently brilliant, "ANTM" consistently whack-on-crack, and "Ugly Betty" pretty consistently fabulous. But the guest stars on these shows, on the other hand... let's just say that some people need to be threatened with pay cuts.
Just this week alone, "Ugly Betty" hosted Victoria Beckham, "ANTM" Enrique Iglesias, and "30 Rock" guest-'starred' David Schwimmer. I'm sorry; when did we time-travel back to the '90s? And Victoria Beckham? Really? When there's her infinitely better other half David Beckham on tap? Isn't showrunner Silvio Horta a gay man? Who chooses Victoria over David? The man is a god. The woman is bumps on a stick.
For "ANTM" and "Ugly Betty" these choices might not be that egregious; they are after all established shows, and should have no problem staying on the radar even without more enticing guest stars. But I don't think "30 Rock" has that privilege. Its current season is already due more to acclaim than actual numbers; and with the writers' strike threatening to pull it off the air in January, now is the time to grab some strangers with eye-and-promo-catching cameos. Now is not the time to make them go, 'David Schwimmer, huh'.
For a prime example of how to capitalize on its remaining episodes, "30 Rock" should take a look at the strategy of "Heroes". The shows have superficially opposite problems, but essentially those problems are the same: supporting characters that, however good for the story, aren't helping the show get viewers. But while "30 Rock" continues to cast the same downsized cameos (see: Seinfeld, Jerry; Fisher, Carrie), "Heroes" is taking the opposite tack, by out-sizing its problems and correcting them.
Besides the very public mea culpa, the creators of "Heroes" have also shrewdly hinted at some of those supporting characters' demises. This TV Guide interview is perhaps the most explicit, with producer Jeph Loeb promising a "housecleaning" in the December 3rd episode, the last episode before the show goes off the air. Retooled as a quasi-finale to deal with the strike, anticipation of those unpopular characters' deaths will undoubtedly help send the ratings sky-high. And, with any luck, those tuning in will be back for Volume III.
"30 Rock", on the other hand... I love the show to bits, but I also loved "Veronica Mars" to bits. And on that show, brilliant writing, great acting, critical acclaim, and a rabid fan-base didn't prove enough in the end. "30 Rock" needs something splashier, and if an extended hiatus can help it secure more ratings-friendly guest stars, then the strike might be a bonus after all.
So what's the moral of this week's happenings? Downsizing can have its benefits, but it's mostly bad for all involved. Upsize the writers' deserved payments, upsize the episodes of our favorite shows, and, please, dear (any) god, upsize the viewerships of shows that deserve them. Down with downsizing, and up with upsizing!
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