Gay.com Column: Move it, "America's Next Top Model"

Yes, you’ve all watched the absolutely fabulous “America’s Next Top Model”. But how many of you have actually heard of “America’s Most Smartest Model”?

Premiering last week on Viacom’s VH1, the show features sixteen pretties fighting for the title of smartest. Competing weekly in “bifurcated challenges” – that’s two challenges per episode for wols-es like you and me – the models have to keep their pretty on while desperately searching for their neurons.

And the premiere pulls no punches as it rolls out the format and its contestants. Refreshingly self-aware of its utter ridiculousness, the show plunges into its first contests with a maximum of glee and hilarity.

First up is the ‘Edge’ challenge, where the winner will get an advantage (or edge) in the later elimination ‘Callback’. In perhaps the funniest reality challenge ever screened on television, the legal-to-drink contestants are put to a classic American test – the spelling bee.

Beginning with piece-of-cake words like ‘blue’ and ‘Fendi’ and ‘weightlifting’ (you gotta remember here that these are models that we are talking about), the episode goes on to reveal its genius in the later more difficult rounds.

Playgirl slash possible porn star Mandy Lynn is asked to spell the word ‘collagen’ – to which she has a fantastic comeback that could only come from a Playgirl. Then there is the Argentinean Gaston ‘Too Sexy For America’ Willig, who not only asks for the definition but also for the usage of ‘nincompoop’. And we haven’t even mentioned the resident catbitch of the bunch – a black male himbo named Jesse who is straight out of “Zoolander” casting.

But just when it seems like the show can’t possibly get any more hilarious, it’s time for the ‘Callback’ challenge that mixes modeling with general knowledge questions. Asked to catwalk while naming as many items as they can from totally random categories, the models fall victim to nerves and idiocy as the sound effects swerve into wacky-town. And we'll only say that there's a very good reason why the premiere is titled 'Balls, Cherries, Balloons, Tires'.

Of course in the end there is elimination, and there are grand prizes waiting and all that stuff. But for once – and this is such a rarity – there is hardly any self-important seriousness. Even the co-hosts of the program are seemingly in on the wink-wink fun: just watch as Mary Alice Stephenson glees over a contestant that she can pet-project personally, and as Ben ‘that guy from Ferris Bueller’ Stein gets all old-man-lecherous with Mandy Lynn.

With multiple airings around the clock, there’s really no reason to miss this infinitely more watchable and must-watchable “America’s…”. But if you really need one more compelling reason to tune in from here on out: the second episode will feature a few contestants modeling buck-naked. Go to the show’s website and take a look at the diverse Adonises and Aphroditeses, and we promise there'll be at least one person you'd even pay to see buck-naked.

"America's Most Smartest Model" airs mornings, afternoons and evenings, all week all the time on the VH1 channel. Go here to find the best showtime that will fit into your busy schedule.