Play: Real Dolls

The scene is a kitchen, with a table flanked by three chairs, one each to its left and right, and one behind the table. EVIE, female, late 20s, is sitting in the left chair, her handbag on the floor beside the chair. CORA, female, mid 20s, is sitting in the center. Evie’s hands are folded, and she looks angry, looking at Cora every once in a while. Cora remains completely motionless, with a plastic smile on her face. After a moment, ALLAN, male, mid 20s, enters, and sees Evie with Cora.

EVIE
Oh. You’re finally back. You should introduce me to your new friend –

ALLAN
I can explain –

EVIE
No. I don’t want you to explain.

ALLAN
You don’t?

EVIE
I want you to throw her – it – and any other (struggles to find the word) friends she might have out. I want you to get rid of any thing and everything that’s got to do with that.

Allan sits down on the right chair. The two stare at each other, with Cora in between.

ALLAN
No.

EVIE
No?

ALLAN
No. Throw her away? Get rid of her? Do you have any idea how much money I paid for her? I paid 6,500 –

EVIE
Six thousand five hundred dollars? Allan, are you insane?

ALLAN
Who are you to tell me how to spend my money? (inspired) Who are you to go snooping around in my closet?

EVIE
That’s not the point –

ALLAN
That is the point. It’s my closet, and it’s my money, and you have no right to tell me what to do with it. I bought her with my money, and if I want to buy another ten more of her that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

Evie gets up.

EVIE
I don’t have to take this shit from you.

Evie crosses over to the right to leave the room, while talking.

EVIE (CONT’D)
You can call me after she’s (catches herself, frustrated) – it’s – gone.

ALLAN
You’re leaving because of a doll?

Evie stops right at the exit, and turns back to Allan. Allan turns to look at her.

ALLAN (CONT’D)
You’re jealous of her. Is she making you feel… uncomfortable? Does she make you feel… inadequate?

EVIE
You’re fucking a doll, Allan. I don’t think you should be calling anyone inadequate.

ALLAN
Hey, I’m not the one freaking out over this. (mimicking) “I’ll try anything. You buy it, I’ll try it.” I guess we know now who’s not that open-minded after all.

Allan turns his back to her, knowing that he’s got her. She struggles for a moment, and then walks back slowly to the left chair, sitting down. Allan smiles.

EVIE
You’re sick, Allan.

ALLAN
I’m not the one who’s got 89 dildos hidden under her bed, Eve. (at her look) Yeah, I counted. What, you think you’re the only one who gets to sneak around in other people’s bedrooms?

EVIE
A dildo isn’t – it’s not the same thing –

ALLAN
A dildo is a dead, plastic penis, Eve. You just haven’t gotten around to the whole body yet –

EVIE
What’s – that – got that I haven’t? God knows I’m game for more things than most women are – what else do you want from me? I’ve got bones, I just can’t bend myself into some positions –

ALLAN
It’s not about you, Eve. I just – I just have some needs –

EVIE
Then go out and buy a fucking watermelon! Or a plantain! Or a –

ALLAN
Fruit doesn’t do it for all of us, Eve. Just because you keep a bowl of abnormally large bananas in your room doesn’t mean I can just go out and buy –

EVIE
But why did you have to go and buy something like that? It’s – it’s wrong, Allan. There are just some lines that you don’t cross! There’s got to be some kind of boundary – I mean, look at her! She’s not just some – inflatable doll –

Evie gets up and goes to pull Cora’s chair so Cora is facing her. Evie bends down and touches Cora’s face, and then her upper arm. She looks at Allan.

EVIE (CONT’D)
She looks and feels just like a human being, Allan. Don’t you see how wrong –

ALLAN
I bought her because she looks and feels like a human being, Eve –

EVIE
But she’s not. I am. Aren’t I enough for you –

Allan gets up violently, his chair thrown back. He stares at Evie.

ALLAN
Yes, Eve. You’re enough. You’re more than enough, and that’s the whole fucking problem! Sometimes there’s so much of you that I don’t know where I am anymore.

Allan walks to the other side of Cora and lays his hands on Cora’s shoulders. Evie stares at the both of them, who are now facing her.

ALLAN (CONT’D)
I don’t hate you. I don’t even dislike you, as much as you annoy me sometimes. I love you, and I think I’ll never love anyone as much I love you. But – don’t you see – sometimes I don’t want a relationship, I don’t even want a hooker – I just want to sleep beside or hold someone, to have some sort of – contact – without feeling like there’s another person there, with all of her baggage. Don’t you understand that?

Evie stares at him, and begins shaking her head slowly.

EVIE
(still shaking her head) No. I don’t. I don’t understand any of this. I’ve done lots of crazy shit in my life, but this is sick, Allan. You’re sick. You need help. You’ve gone too far. We’ve done – and we can continue to do – lots of crazy things, things that you can’t even begin to imagine, but this can’t be one of them. I can’t do this. You can’t do this – not this.

ALLAN
This is who I am, Eve. She’s part of who I am. I can put her back in the closet if you want, but I can’t get rid of her. Even if you can’t understand that, even if you don’t want to see her anymore, you have to know that she’s always going to be here. You have to know that.

Allan looks at Evie. Evie stares at him and Cora. A moment pauses.

EVIE
I can – I can just – go.

Allan looks at her for a moment, and then, defeated, goes back to his chair and sits down. He looks at her.

ALLAN
Then go. You’re not afraid of Cora, Evie. You just don’t know who you are anymore – and I can’t help you with that.

Evie stares at Allan, and then abruptly she goes to get her bag. She looks at Allan for a moment more, and then she crosses to the right to leave. As she passes Allan, he grabs her arm. She stops to look down at him.

ALLAN
You’re never going to find somebody who doesn’t have a doll in his closet, Eve. If you leave now…

Evie stares down at Allan a moment more, and then she wrenches her arm from him and runs away. Allan doesn’t even look back when she leaves. A door slams. Allan smiles sadly, and looks at Cora, who is still where Evie left her.

ALLAN
You wanna watch some TV with me?