Gay.com Column: "I Love New York": Hell, no!

To be honest, prior to this week I hadn't watched a single minute of "I Love New York", and I didn't really have an opinion on it one way or another. When you consider the vast number of similar shows on the network, it seems unfair to single it out, positively or otherwise.

But that was before this week. Whether it's God sending me signs, or simply a mathematical inevitability, I couldn't avoid New York (the woman and the show) this week. It seemed like every time I channel-surfed her corseted boobs were jumping out at me, and the last straw was when a magazine I read infrequently featured her on the last page. So I figure these have to be otherworldly messages, from either up there or (more probably) way down there, and that's why we're here right now.

So, after my week of New York, how do I feel about the woman and her show? The concept of the show I have no problem with. If I did I would have to take issue with others like "The Hills", "Flavor of Love", and, hell, even "The Bachelor". It's not worse and certainly not better, although of course I'd prefer hot men over a self-styled inner drag queen.

But the woman, on the other hand. While reading her interview in Metro Source NY I kept waiting for the wink, the sly acknowledgment that this was her capital P Personality. But no. You'd think a woman in her position would at least have an iota of self-awareness, and would laugh off the descriptor 'classy'. But, oh no, there it is in the interview - Tiffany 'New York' Pollard would like you to know: she's not just classy, she's "so classy". And the universe implodes over the oxymoron-ness of the phrase.

But, wait, there's actually more. Barely ten questions later, she fields a question about what would tempt her to do "The Surreal Life". Her answer? If "Flavor of Love" rival Pumkin was put in the communal house for D-level celebs too. The reason? "So I could bitch-slap her face every day." Bitch-slapping is easy, but bitch-slapping classily? Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a winner.

It seems almost pointless to ridicule delusional reality starlets, because by now they're possibly literally a dime a dozen. And, quite frankly, I wouldn't have bothered with Pollard, but for the fact that a gay magazine - and one that I somewhat like - sat her down and gave her an entire page of space. And not only that, but also headlined the page "We Love Her, Too". Really? The magazine couldn't do better than Pollard, a woman whose self-delusion flies in the face of LGBT self-awareness?

I mentioned earlier that I had no problem with the concept of the show. That's still true. It's just the show itself - and the woman, natch - that makes me want to boil my eyeballs in bleach.